just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
