Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
