I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
