I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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