normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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