don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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