I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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