I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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