I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
