At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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