I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
