Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
