just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
