Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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