Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
