The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
