Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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