He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
