i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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