not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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