is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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