Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
