If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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