Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
