Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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