she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
