I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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