I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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