you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
