This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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