I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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