That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
