He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
