This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
