It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
