Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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