another moral hangover. fuck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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