you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
