Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
