Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize