im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
