I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I love you. Go after that dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
