He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
