Is it normal to miss your booty call?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
