dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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