I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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