the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
