speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
