Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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