Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
