My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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