I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
