He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
