why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
