Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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