somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
