so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
