Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
