**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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