I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
