somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
