you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
