I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
