Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
