I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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