at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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