we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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