the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
