alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
