GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am one with the molecules
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
