im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
