I wish my penis had an off switch
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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