glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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