the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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