We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
