So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
