Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
