There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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