This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize