im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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