Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
