I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize