I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
