i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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