So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
