Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
