David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
