If i come over, it means nothing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize