grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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