Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
