Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
