I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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