dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
