My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
