trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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